In my about Matt page I don’t really go into much detail about having Depression and the day to day experiences of living with it. So as I like do to, Ill give a blow by blow account into having and living with depression.
I think I have suffered with it for over 10 years, “I think” meaning there was a time when I just thought that I was miserable and them Shit feelings were just the norm. Many people think that having the big D you are always sad, always down or always miserable. Thats fine, you are right, you think that is because you don’t understand the illness. So this is why I`m here to give you an insight to what goes on in there (my head).
Over the next few months I’m going to try and capture the feelings emotions up and downs living with the BIG D…. don’t you think that sounds a little bit like LIFE in general, ups, downs, the happy bits and low bits. That might be a good insight to start with. it is totally like that. People suffering with an illness, when I say an illness that can be Cancer, migraines or a cold will have all them symptoms, Ups, downs, happy, sad.
“”People who have depression are the same as you and that’s OK” – Matt Stirland
So if all that’s the case whats the difference between someone with the BIG D and someone who doesn’t have the BIG D……. Let me try and explain…
Do you ever wake up one morning and not want to get out of bed? I don’t just mean, like cant be bothered because I hate my job, but you know what I better get up and that thought has gone and next thing you know your up… What I mean, is im not getting up because the movement towards the bathroom is going to make my whole day really really shit, so im going to stay right here. Im staying here because if I get up I know I will gradually go further and further down to where if these thoughts are said out loud will get me labelled as a nut job, or hes attention seeking, or hes mental. So you turn over to go to sleep, but that doesn’t happen either, OH, did I mention this is 4am, so because you cant sleep your thoughts turn in to things even more deeper, which tend to be things like, what if I wasn’t here, what if I cant find a person that understands me and these thoughts, the list goes on and on sometimes lasting a few more hours or days or weeks. Then its time to face the day…….. “Just let these thoughts happen, DO NOT fight them, if they worse that’s OK, if they disappear that’s OK, Remember that you made them worsen and disappear” . Matt.
I love and forever every day want to learn about the way in which we think, why we think it, where the thoughts come from. BUT also the medicine we all use every day to help OR make our illnesses worse. YES, FOOD !!
But for now, I’m going to stay on the labeling of the BIG D.
Do I ever worry about If people will judge me ? WOW yes I do, Its used to be a million times worse than now. BUT now I totally realize that, the worry about if people will judge me Is the whole reason behind me wanting to Make Depression Cool.
“”If us suffers and people who don’t suffer (that’s everyone) hide the fact that we don’t have the BIG D, surely that is why it is seen as we are all mental.””
WELL GUESS WHAT, we are all F**king mental (I laugh). We all have bad thoughts, we all have good thoughts, we all have thoughts end of story. If everyone who has suffered and is suffering now came right out and shared with the world about depression. This illness would be as common as man Flu. believe me I have had man flu and WOW its a killer 🙂
Im hoping that if my honesty about ME helps even a handful of people then that is success. It will also help to take away the stigma that having the BIG D is just as OK as having any other illness from man flu to the horrible BIG C.
Im sure many Big D suffers have many different ways and techniques on how to help and even cure depression and would REALLY LOVE you to share your story or even helpful tips on HOW !! use my social media channels or the comments below PLEASE !!!!!!!